There are so many options, but in a way there are really so few.  Because while there are all the options that Wolff and I have been over (and over and over) once you get to those that will fit with two peoples’ wishes the list has shrunk.  So much so that there is either a choice or compromise, or a default that isn’t what either of you really want but is all that is left.

The options:

Traditional (depending on your background)

The wife changes to her husband’s name.  This one just doesn’t work for us, I’m very attached to my surname. Wolff doesn’t want me to lose my “pretty” name by replacing it with his.

Semi Traditional / Hyphenation

Our names just don’t sound so great together, either way around. And if we have a child I don’t want to saddle them with that bulky mess.

Role reversal

The husband takes the wife’s name. Sure this is a lovely sentiment and written about here is made an appealing choice for me, but not for Wolff.  He (like me) is attached to his name, which (unlike mine) has a traceable rich history. It’s a lovely option but again not for us.

Don’t change a thing

This is one of the forerunners.  We both retain our own names and who knows what we do if we have a child.  This has nothing to do with the whole patriarchal argument which is a deeply flawed shouting match that I don’t wish to get involved with.  This one is the compromise however as I really want us to share a name going forward a symbol of the new family that we are creating when we get married.

A whole new name

This is my personal favourite but not just taking a new name, as if we drop our current names that still brings up the issues that rule out other options.  If we go this way it will be Wolff Currentlastname Newlastname and Lila Currentlastname Newlastname. This way we are retaining on our existing identities and building on to ourselves together, which is a very brief summary of my view on marriage.  Also if we have a child we can call them Baby Newlastname and they can still be connected with us without arguments over which surname they should be given.

But we’ll have to wait and see what direction Wolff goes in, it’s a harder decision for him.

The wife changes to her husbands name
Advertisements